sparking blog

the strangest and the most surprising part of being in your twenties is how subtle you expect growth to be but how obvious and perceivable it takes place. it’s true, you expect it to be subtle, walking in your veins as you go on with your day, only to feel a little itch now and then.

in reality, to my surprise, it’s brutally evident. you feel every step that is taken in your veins simultaneously. you feel a pain that can only be depicted as the spiritual form of physical pain. someone’s kicking you in your guts. someone’s punching you in the face of your most vulnerable emotions. and you feel all of it. there’s nothing subtle about it.

you were, what, 13 when you thought about love and different types of pain and found them too complicated to be comprehended, let alone getting used to it, it was as if a disease with side effects of throwing yourself into your bed face forward and listening to music you would never normally listen to, laying there for hours until someone disrupts your unique misery.

now that you’re about to turn 24, you are used to it. you know love comes and goes. you accept it. you no longer find every romantic interaction, movie, or song lyric “cringe” or unhinged or overwhelming. you just know it’s out there. now you understand the romantic lines and songs. now you know what they were talking about. just like many other forms of pain that you never thought would exist. now they feel like itches in your veins every now and then. full circle. we came back to the point where we started.

it’s complicated, you’ll get used to it.

“Where does it all lead? What will become of us? These were our young questions, and young answers revealed. It leads to each other. We become ourselves.”
Patti Smith